


Never Forgiven

by WideEyeWanderer



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Broody Fenris (Dragon Age), Canon-Typical Violence, Dom Fenris (Dragon Age), F/M, Heartbreak, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Light Dom/sub, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Touching, Purple Hawke, Romance, Smut, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WideEyeWanderer/pseuds/WideEyeWanderer
Summary: This chapter may contain triggers, while not particularly explicit, please read the tags.





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [microstargem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/microstargem/gifts).



The last templar fell to the ground with a thud, there were a few carta mercenaries amongst the dead but the shine of the heavy plate armour was predominant. I couldn’t help but admire the strength and poise with which Marian handled her blades. Wiping the blood on the sash of her latest victim she sheathed her knives with a flick of her wrist. As she turned to check on her company I averted my eyes. She mustn’t know how I felt, I’d follow her to the ends of the world even if it meant fighting templars and defending the mages. She had not seen what the mages of Tevinter had done, she did not know the magic’s affliction. Maybe it was because of her sister Bethany, that she held so tight to the goodness and strength of mages, she could never see her sister fail.

“What, I don’t see any mages” Marian sniggered as she watched the trio of now free mages disappear ‘round the bend.  
“I guess it’s time we reported back to Cullen, he will want to know that his search party was slain by bandits”. Despite the fabrications, I smiled as she turned her back, she was truly a force to be reckoned with. 

Weaving the paths of the Wounded Coast we were nearly to the tunnels into DarkTown.  
“Stop right there” a voice thundered above the crashing of the waves, “You are in the possession of stolen property. Back away from the slave and you will be spared”.  
Marian spoke, I heard her voice, what did she say?  
“I won’t repeat myself. Back away from the slave now!” His voice rang out, the fire in my veins burned and the electric blue of the lyrium pulsated with my heartbeat.  
“I am not your slave” I roared as I swung my blade into position.

It was an easy fight, grabbing the final breathing tevinter by the hair I slammed his head into the ground, I would have the answers I needed and I would have them now.  
“Hadriana brought us, she’s in the caves north of the city” he muttered, terrified as I broke his neck with one fatal twist.  
‘I was a fool to think that I was free, that Hadriana wouldn’t find me.’  
“Then why are we standing around? Sounds like we have some hunting to do” It wasn’t until Marian spoke that I realized that in my anger I had spoken aloud of my foolishness. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ‘abandoned’ slaver’s cave hadn’t been too difficult to navigate, beyond the occasional undead troop, giant spiders, dreaded thoughts of what hid behind lock doors. Then there was the slave girl, the slave girl that Marian brought into her own home to work for her. Why would I have assumed she was bringing her in as a slave? Marian is not like that, she is all things good and kind, hiding her pain with humour and sass rather than the brooding I was so inclined to wallow in. She is everything that I am not. Then there was Hadriana, damn that bitch. Like she could use my sister as a bargaining chip. She was never to be trusted. The sound of my fist breaking through her rib cage and pulling out her heart was a satisfying one, a moment that I will often call upon to focus my thoughts. I yelled at Marian, I hadn’t ever done that before; voiced my displeasure, sure, we don’t agree on many things, but never yell at her. She would never take me back. I left her there amongst the bleeding corpses of that forgotten places, an action that could not be forgiven.

Soft footsteps on the path, I looked up from my bench, she was returning for the evening. Was that a soft look of relief I saw upon her face?  
“I need to apologize” I started, “I took my anger out on you, you do not deserve that”.  
“I did not know where you went, I was worried” she replied in a soft whisper.  
“I needed to be alone. You do not know the tortures and the ridicules I had to suffer at the hands of that woman and I could do nothing. You have no idea how many times I have envisioned her death, knowing that because of her I would never be completely free. I enjoyed watching the light of life leaving her eyes. I needed that and I do not expect you to understand.” with sigh, “This is not why I came...”  
Her nimble fingers grasped at my arm as I turned to leave, “Is that it, you’re leaving me?”  
Overcome, I pushed her to the wall, the lyrium glow bouncing off the sharpened edges of my bracers and dancing in the dark corners of the courtyard. The warmth of her breathe upon my lips, the jagged intake of breath as she looked up at me. A question hiding behind those entrancing emerald eyes, leaning down I kissed her. I kissed her deeper, I pulled her closer, the pulsating blue danced in her eyes. With a pull of her braid I lifted her face toward me. I kissed my way across her jawline, taking the time to absorb the sensation of my lips pausing just above her skin. Stopping to tug lightly on her earlobe with my teeth, then rolling it between my lips. Her gasp pleased me, she jumped at the slightest touch to her. Leaning in, I whispered in her ear.  
“Should we take this upstairs?”


	2. Not What I Came For

Opening the door I placed my hand on the small of her back and leaned in, “I will see you upstairs, put on your evening robe” with a nibble on her ear and a thump on her rump as she walked away. I let my eyes linger for a moment on the sway of her hips, with each step up the stairs my heartbeat quickened, this was really happening. I turned to the door and pulled the lock into place, thoughts racing through my head, I had come to say goodbye. Pausing in the doorway a small cough escaped my lips, covering it with a closed fist, I twirled my finger at Hawke in command. With one small step her face was turned from me, “remove your robe” I commanded, my voice husky with desire. The silken robes slid down, catching for a moment on her round booty before pooling around her feet. Removing my bracers and chest place and placed them on the chest beside the door. I stood behind her, my breathe bringing the hairs on the back of her neck to attention. Placing my hands on her shoulders I gently let my fingers brush their way down to her finger tips.  


“Marian, get on the bed.” I said firmly, pushing all the pillows to the head of the bed Marian crawled up against them. Coming up onto the bed I grabbed her foot and placed one kiss after the other moving up her lower leg and into her inner thigh. With each passing second I pressed my lips to her skin, tenderly brushing my lips across her skin between kisses. With each laboured breath she took chills ran through my body. Reaching the cropping of hair I bent her knee, “hold your ankle” and then I continued, pausing to release a hot breath upon her slickening lips. I then continued down her other leg, reaching her biggest toe, I slid it between my lips. Brushing my tongue around and around, lightly sucking my way from one toe to the next until I had finished. Bending her knee I brought this ankle to her knee as well.  


Pausing, I removed my tunic and placed it on the ground, my tattoos pulsed to the rate of my heartbeat elevated but controlled. I looked at my Marian, head cocked, legs parted, waiting. Moving in, I placed my thumb upon her clit and slowly circled around and around. Her fingers trembled and lost grip on her ankle. I paused, “hold your ankle” I growled. Her fingers grew white with tension as she tightened her grasp and then I continued with a quick flick to her swelling clit. Taking my index finger I slipped it inside her, she was so warm, so wet. I slid another finger, steadily moving my fingers back and forth inside her. With a moan she closed her eyes, I stopped again, “keep your eyes open” I started and they flew open, “I want you to look at me, I want to see you” I finished as I moved in closer. I took the moment to put a third finger within her. Fully swollen my thumb continued to dance back and forth upon taking every opportunity to add a little flick.  


My Marian bit her lip, struggling to keep eye contact, the muscles in her body flexing with every little touch. Bringing my face inches from hers I whispered, “Are you ready? Do you want me? Do you need me?” A squeak escaped her lips as she nodded her head up and down, “I can’t hear you, what do you want Marian?” I commanded. “I want you inside me and I need you now” she moaned. I looked her in her eyes, I saw the sweat beading on her brow and glistening on her breasts, her muscles strained against the constraint of her ankles. “You may want me Marian but you do not need me, not yet” I decided as I put my lips to her breast. Lips wrapped around her nipple I tugged, gasping I saw her eyes close and I smiled into her perfect breast. Teasing her nipple, I rubbed it between my lips and drew circles with my tongue. Removing my fingers, I brought them to my mouth I hesitated, they stood there mid-air dripping and Marian leaned forward pulling them into her mouth. Now she was the one teasing.  


There was no more hiding my pleasure. With one final tug of her breast I thrust my throbbing member deep inside her. With every in and out, back and forth our bodies became more entangled. My hands pulling at her hair, hers pulling my hips into her with great force. Everything slipped away, there was nothing there but Marian. Her squeal and oncoming spasms jolted me back to the present. Blue lights dancing on the walls and the curtains of her bed as I held myself together, with a final cry she fell limp against the pillows. I plunged myself into her one last time as I let the explosions of sensation overcome me before dropping beside my Marian. Rolling into my arms she rest her head upon my chest, gently tracing my tattoos with her fingers, I drifted off to sleep.


	3. The Morning After

The earliest rays of light shown through the sheer curtain drapes as the sound of a closing door somewhere down stairs jarred me awake. The earlier vibrant pulsing blue of my tattoos had dimmed to a nearly white pastel colour; rubbing the sleep from my eye, Marian shifted in her sleep, her foot kicking me under the covers. The night before came flooding back, slinking out from the covers I quickly gathered my things and slipped out the door. Escaping out the back door without a sound I accepted the darkness of the shadows the buildings offered as I padded my way down the streets to the magisters abandoned dwelling. 

The empty kitchen with it’s chilled embers and cobwebbed corners offered up a weak greeting of good morning as I rummaged through the cupboards looking for any last scrap of food, I knew the icebox was empty for it was always empty after a trip with Hawke. Scooping up the last hunk of bread and a dusty green bottle of wine, counting the last remaining bottles I saw that there were only six left. Taking the steps up to the main bedroom two at a time, I dropped into the chair nearest the fireplace. The embers here, just as cold as the ones in the kitchen, left me wanting for the warmth of the Hawke estate. I flung a foot over the arm of the chair and slumped into the corner of the seat. Pulling the cork from the bottle, I tipped it to the skies the sweet taste of berries was soon replaced with the burning of alcohol at the back of my throat. The warm glow rolling over me, drowning me in the numbness of drink. A bright ray of light shone in through the gap of the draperies and landed on the still untouched piece of bread, turning back to the bottle I pressed it to my lips one last time.

“Good morning Broody”, the blazing light of the late afternoon sun lit a fire behind my eyes, an exploding fireball in my head, as the draperies swung open.   
“The Arishok summoned Hawke, she asked you to come too, the big brute seems to like you. For whatever reason”. Through half opened eyes, the bustle of a second person scampering around the room became apparent -- Bethany.  
“Drunk so early Fenris, really, what would Marian say?” she tsked.  
‘Was that a hint of disdain in her voice? I couldn’t tell’ groaning, I came to an unsteady footing at the edge of the bed where Bethany had piled my things.  
“We will meet you in the foyer, we can stop by Anders on the way, Hawke will never know” Varric added with a darting glower toward Bethany that even I picked up on.

While Anders was not my favourite of Hawke’s preferred company, even I could acknowledge that the having a healer was not a terribly thing. Not that I would ever let anyone know that, for magic is still a scourge upon our peoples and eventually something ill will happen to those that practice or associate themselves with rogue mages. Rounding the corner there was Hawke at the entrance to the Qunari compound, hips swaying as if hand in hand with the waves of the bay that she watched intently.  
“Hawke!” Varric announced, hands raised, “your trusty company has arrived!”  
“There you are! I have been waiting for Maker knows how long,” she replied, our eyes locked for a moment, there was nothing to show the way she felt or her thoughts. The rhythm of her voice washing away the remaining dull ache of the morning’s drink, we walked into the arena and I was ready once again to stand at Hawke’s side.


	4. Meet again

The blade of my axe landed with a thud into my final foe; a dwarf not all that talented, a cheap mercenary hire for sure. I scanned the small hollow, eyes coming to rest on Marian as she wiped her dagger blade clean on the top of her thigh. The memory of my lips in that very spot not three nights earlier pulled me to toward her, the thoughts of the many events of that night came flooding back. I returned to the present at the sound of a shuffling, nearly sniveling dwarf. Cowering before the still wielding Marian was Javaris, the rat who got us involved with the Arishok in the first place. He continued to blubber about this and that, not seeing that Marian was, in this instance, all bark and no bite. Her hidden smiles always had a way of wrinkling at the eye and glimmering with the untold joke. 

Sheathing her knives with a chuckle Hawke turned toward us, “looks like we have a job tomorrow night, can I expect you three at my side?”. Whether her eyes lingered on me, I could not tell, she had always been good at keeping her thoughts to herself. Affirmations chorused from Bethany and Varric as I gave her a nod. 

“Who is up for the hanged man?” she announced with a grin as she grabbed Bethany’s staff and pulled her toward the city. “You’re coming with Varric and I. No ifs, ands, or buts!”  
“Drinks are on Hawke” Varric laughed as he followed the two girls, “you coming broody?”

I waved him on, knowing the party would not need the gloomy cloud that so often followed me, instead I turned to the waves crashing upon the rocks of the small inlet below. I found solace in the sea, the sea knew what it wanted and it took what it wanted - it could not be tamed. The wind tousled my hair and the spray of the waves misted my face, and I was at peace.


	5. Gunpowder Mishap

Lowtown held it’s normal evening mysteries; untold deals being held in darkened corners, whispered secrets behind shadowed pillars, and the ever present lapping of waves. Weaving through the alleys, to avoid the unsavoriest of characters, I knew we must be getting near to our destination as the sounds of coughing and terror reached our ears. Coming upon the crowd that had gathered at the mouth of the lower alleys we saw a guardsman attempting to bring some order to the chaos. 

“Stop. All civilians need to stay away from these alleys.” the guardsman said as he blocked the entryway.  
“Do we look like helpless civilians?” Hawke started in on the guard. Stepping closer to Marian, as the splatter of a young woman’s retching threatened the back of my legs, my fingers brushed against her leathers just below her armour....”-uh, -uh yah, so we are going in with our without your permission. I can let the guard captain know how skillfully you calmed the crowds and allowed us to play hero, or….”  
“Very well, just don’t linger in the mist” the guardsman advised as he waved us through.

We followed the narrow alley, leading us gently downward, the green mist growing thicker with every step. Reaching the top of a staircase, it lead down to a large open space where multiple alleys converged. Several large barrels were scattered throughout, the green fog pressed in around us as we searched for a way to seal the barrels. An arrow, emerged from the thickness and embedded itself between the stones in the wall behind me. Hands firm around handle of my axe eyes darting through the mist, waiting for the sound of the oncoming enemy as Bethany scurried to clamp down the barrel lid. I peered through the thickness for any sign of Marian, the clatter of blade against blade could be heard off to the right.  
“This one is do….behind you!” Bethany yelled as she shot a freeze spell over my shoulder. Swinging my axe, he shattered at my feet as I charged ahead through the thinning smoke, bringing down another man in front of me I found myself near Marian struggling to clamp down another barrel.   
“Where’s Varric?” I hollered, Bethany took off around the corner to find him.

Another arrow was shot from the top of a nearby staircase, but it fell short. As I crushed it under my foot Marian let out a cry of pain as an assassin appeared from nothingness and slashed at her arms. My veins ran hot with red as I barreled forward, electric blue knuckles clenching the haft of the axe - the elve’s head rolled to the feet of Varric.

“Nice work broody” Varric’s grin quickly disappeared  
“Where the hell were you?” I was letting my emotions get away from me, but in the moment I didn’t care. I removed a soft strap of leather from under my chestplate and knotted it around the deepest of cuts to Marian’s arm.

“Is that Serah Hawke? This is so much better than I could have imagined.” turning toward the voice above us on a nearby landing. A woman, an elf stood there with a small number of warriors at her back.  
“All these poor people...you are a much, much better target”  
“Do you care to explain your personal brand of crazy or should I have Varric just drop you where you stand?” Hawke countered back, ‘her diplomacy always was a little lacking’.  
“The Qunari keep taking my people. They have forgotten their culture, their ancestors, there people and they turn to the Qun for purpose. We are losing them twice. So I turn to your people for help. We will take their Qunari thunder and make a few accidents, hurt a few people, ruffle some feathers. The Qunari will be blamed, they will be hated. All I need is a few more bodies”

“Here we go again,” Marian chuckled, rolling her shoulders as she flicked one of her throwing knives into the side of one of the Elven warriors before charging in on the nearing men. Following at her side, step for step, blades at the ready. Taking the warriors that Varric and Bethany didn’t drop from afar as we reached them. Turning back to back we dropped man after man, protecting each other's most vulnerable spots. The occasional bump of her booty against mine, or brushing of her arm against my pants as we twisted and turned to face our foe. Varric dropped the Elven woman at our feet with a single arrow between the eyes, it was over.

Marian was the first to speak, “Everyone alright?”  
“Are you alright?” I questioned back, grabbing her arm to check the makeshift bandage.  
“I’m fine Fenris. Go home, I will fill in the Arishok - oh and I should probably inform the Viscount, but he can wait until tomorrow.”  
“I will make sure you get home Sunshine” Varric said, with a nod toward Marian  
“And I, you” I added turning to Marian, “let’s go see the Arishok”.


	6. Wounded

“The arishok took that well” Marian quipped, with an exaggerated eye roll I turned my gaze to Marian as she reached to brush the hair out of her eyes again.  
‘Heh, she needs a haircut’ my smile turned sour as I saw the dried blood that had seeped from her bandaged arm, “Come, I will help you tend to this.” I said as I walked her into the foyer of her home, brushing aside her protests with a wave as I hurried her to the kitchen in the back of the house. Leaving Bodahn at the door with unfinished greetings.

“Remove your tunic and leathers, I will have Orana fetch your evening robe and heat the water” seeing the uncertainty in her eyes I added, “I will gather a few healing herbs and return shortly”. Walking into the storage room I caught a glimpse of Hawke’s bareness in the reflection of the window, the warmth of pleasure hastened my steps in expectation of my return. 

Marian sat on the counter her ankles crossed, slightly swaying; the thin silk robe hugged the curve of her thigh and stopped well above her knees. Herbs in my left I let the right brush against her skin, my eyes forward toward the steaming basin. Stirring the water I checked the temperature, “Get in” I commanded as I returned to the back cupboards for a soft rag. With a thump her robe dropped to the ground as I again caught her reflection in the window. I also removed the armor from the day, piling it in the corner knowing that Orana would likely clean it should the evening tarry. 

I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched Marian try to hide the grimace of pain as I wiped the dried blood from her wounds. ‘I should have seen the enemy! I was right there! How did I miss him?’ I chastised, attempting to pull my attention away from her discomfort. Turning from the now clean wounds, I focused my attention elsewhere. With every wipe of the rag the debris of battle disappeared amongst the bits of herbs and the tension in her shoulders released. Taking my wet hand I smoothed her bangs, a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth I would have liked to kiss her forehead.

“Let’s bandage your arm, Orana brought a few strips of cloth for you”. She nodded, as she laid her arm atop the side of the basin, water dripping from her outstretched fingers onto the stone floor. Taking the strips of linen I wrapped her arm, tucking the end of the cloth under I trailed my fingers down her wrist, resting them in the palm of her outstretched hand. Leaning forward I tucked her loose bangs behind her ear again; my eyes met hers and our lips locked in a deep kiss.

Pulling her lips from mine we searched each other's gaze. Finding the answer to unspoken questions she rises, water streaming down her bare breasts and trickling into the now tepid waters. Wrapping her robe around her I lift her into my arms with ease taking the narrow back stairwell to the second floor. Setting her on the covers of her bed I falter for a moment my hand resting upon her bandaged arm.

“I have had much worse Fenris, don’t let that stop you” she said with a slight jab to my side.  
Tying the belt of her robe tight around her waist, I replied, “As you wish”. The material clung to her still damp body, I took a moment towering above her, taking in the beauty of the woman beneath me. Grasping her ankle I brought her foot to my lips, kissing the pad of each toe, flitting back and forth from one to the other. Choosing one, I pulled it between my lips, circling my tongue round and round. Bending her knee, I brought my other hand down; skimming across the soft skin of her inner thigh. Slipping my fingers over the hem of her robe I kneaded my fingers into the folds that hid just above the hem. Allowing my fingers to slip and brush against the top of her clitoris.

Her nipples, now strong peaks amidst the silken valley’s of her gown called me forward. Seating myself upon her legs, I wrapped my lips firmly around one with a little tug. Marian’s hands started for my hair, I brought her nipple between my teeth with a quick yank “no” I growled. Dropping her hand to the covers, I grabbed her breasts in my hand massaging them between my fingers. Grinding my hips into hers I whispered into her ear, “good girl”, her breath caught at the utterance. Satisfied, I kissed along her jawline, each kiss deepening and growing stronger. Coming to her collar bone the pants of her laboured breath grew heavier as she let loose a moan. 

Untying her belt I pulled back the robe to reveal Marian’s creamy white skin glowing in the low light of the bedroom fireplace. Marian reached for the strings of my pants, “no” I again commanded. Pulling myself off of her I grabbed her by the ankles again,this time I twisted her body face forward into the blankets. Pulling the belt from the loops of the robe, I bound her wrists together, “you will obey” I added. I landed a smack to her booty, her perfect peach bottom. A small yelp, muffled from sheets, brought another smack, harder this time. Then a third, the slap of my hand against her bottom penetrating the silence of the room, replaced by Marian’s cry. Turning her face to mine, her eyes glossy with threatening tears -- ‘was that fear?’

I ran.


	7. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may contain triggers, while not particularly explicit, please read the tags.

I have succeeded in avoiding Marian by remaining in the mansion. Every now and then a street orphan would check in to see if I needed supplies, therefore creating the perfect evasion. Should she want to find me, however, I knew it would be no difficult task. How many days had it been since that night? I could not say. What I could say was that the time between then and now was filled with sleepless nights, countless bottles of expensive red wine and stale ale, and echoes of years gone. The dirty grey walls, the patter of feet out my window, and dimly lit hallways - the hushed rustlings of empty rooms left me wanting. I needed the crash of the waves on the cliff-side and the ocean spray on my face. I needed out.

Stealing through the courtyards when the sun was at it’s highest seemed to be working. I had debated the cover of darkness but with all the night escapades we had been on, I had decided that the crowds of people would be a much more effective smoke screen. Hearing a trill of light laughter, I pulled the collar of my cloak tighter as I stepped down a side ally and watched a ball of yarn bounced across the cobblestone unwinding along it’s way. A lyrium tattooed elf was not the most inconspicuous of individuals, as Varric and even Aveline had mentioned a time or two, it was for this reason I clung to the heavy cloak. When I closed my eyes at night I saw the pain in her eyes, I could not bare to see them in reality and I could not have word of my leaving the city reach her, for I would not know what she would do. Would she look for me? Would she care? The worst part, I’m not sure which would hurt more.

Stepping away from the shadow of the city walls I loosened the clasp of my cloak and strode forward. Having left so late in the day, I would have to make quick work of the terrain in hopes of reaching my desired encampment before the sun set. My cloak now caught in the breeze of the coast and the quickening of my stride. Not taking the time to admire the crash of the waves or the flowers beneath my feet I hurried on, only stopping briefly to retrieve bread and water from my bag under the shade of a tree. The sun had become a sliver of fire on the horizon as I approached the black mouth of the cave. Sword in hand I stepped into the inky depths, prepared for the possible appearance of a large spider. Finding nothing I lit a small fire, pulled out a bed roll, and settled back a knife in one hand a flask in the other. 

The room was dim but still lit enough to make out the glint of sweat on skin as the pulsing blue of lyrium pierced through the shadows and glinted on the walls and in the eyes of Danarius who stood above the huddled figure at his feet. The twisted strands of braided rope dug into the skin with every reverberation. The sting intensifying when the hand left, rather than when it landed. The boy pleaded, struggled. Fenris ran at the Danarius hurling his fist toward his chest, anticipating the feel of his heart in his hand -- it landed with a thud against the side of the huddled figure. Then without hesitation, it happened again and again. Her eyes turned to him, in shock, glossy with threatening tears. Gasp. He tried to grab her, to holder her close - she floated away amidst the trees and over the waves. He chased after her, every door he opened leading him back to that dim room, back to the dirty grey walls.

The first rays of light were entering the cave, the bedroll was tossed to the side...the world before my eyes faded; devoid of colour, of smell, of sound, there’s was nothing but the feeling of fear deep in the pit of my stomach. I was awake and it was worse than being asleep.


	8. Running

I have succeeded in avoiding Marian by remaining in the mansion. Every now and then a street orphan would check in to see if I needed supplies, therefore creating the perfect evasion. Should she want to find me, however, I knew it would be no difficult task. How many days had it been since that night? I could not say. What I could say was that the time between then and now was filled with sleepless nights, countless bottles of expensive red wine and stale ale, and echoes of years gone. The dirty grey walls, the patter of feet out my window, and dimly lit hallways - the hushed rustlings of empty rooms left me wanting. I needed the crash of the waves on the cliffside and the ocean spray on my face. I needed out.

Stealing through the courtyards when the sun was at it’s highest seemed to be working. I had debated the cover of darkness but with all the night escapades we had been on, I had decided that the crowds of people would be a much more effective smoke screen. Hearing a trill of light laughter, I pulled the collar of my cloak tighter as I stepped down a side ally and watched a ball of yarn bounced across the cobblestone unwinding along it’s way. A lyrium tattooed elf was not the most inconspicuous of individuals, as Varric and even Aveline had mentioned a time or two, it was for this reason I clung to the heavy cloak. When I closed my eyes at night I saw the pain in her eyes, I could not bare to see them in reality and I could not have word of my leaving the city reach her, for I would not know what she would do. Would she look for me? Would she care? The worst part, I’m not sure which would hurt more.

Stepping away from the shadow of the city walls I loosened the clasp of my cloak and strode forward. Having left so late in the day, I would have to make quick work of the terrain in hopes of reaching my desired encampment before the sun set. My cloak now caught in the breeze of the coast and the quickening of my stride. Not taking the time to admire the crash of the waves or the flowers beneath my feet I hurried on, only stopping briefly to retrieve bread and water from my bag under the shade of a tree. The sun had become a sliver of fire on the horizon as I approached the black mouth of the cave. Sword in hand I stepped into the inky depths, prepared for the possible appearance of a large spider. Finding nothing I lit a small fire, pulled out a bed roll, and settled back a knife in one hand a flask in the other. 

_The room was dim but still lit enough to make out the glint of sweat on skin as the pulsing blue of lyrium pierced through the shadows and glinted on the walls and in the eyes of Danarius who stood above the huddled figure at his feet. The twisted strands of braided rope dug into the skin with every reverberation. The sting intensifying when the hand left, rather than when it landed. The boy pleaded, struggled. Fenris ran at the Danarius hurling his fist toward his chest, anticipating the feel of his heart in his hand -- it landed with a thud against the side of the huddled figure. Then without hesitation, it happened again and again. Her eyes turned to him, in shock, glossy with threatening tears. Gasp. He tried to grab her, to holder her close - she floated away amidst the trees and over the waves. He chased after her, every door he opened leading him back to that dim room, back to the dirty grey walls._

The first rays of light were entering the cave, the bedroll was tossed to the side...the world before my eyes faded; devoid of colour, of smell, of sound, there’s was nothing but the feeling of fear deep in the pit of my stomach. I was awake and it was worse than being asleep.


	9. The Fountain

That first night was the worst, but the following nights continued their tortures; I’ve taken to sleeping under the stars rather than in the security of caves and dens, something about the openness made sleep come more quickly and stay a little longer. The sun was almost straight above me as I stewed over the last few nights and I knew I would make it before nightfall.

Trudging past the great oak tree that had weathered more years than I cared to ponder, I hastened my step. Emerging from the rocky ravine I descended upon the grassy slopes that lead toward the ocean. Peering into the mist I counted the stacks of limestone as I walked along the sandy beach, coming to the ninth pillar, I altered my course inland. It had been some time since I had seen these shores, nonetheless the secrets the coast held were burned into my memory. Sun sinking behind the cliffside I pushed past the vines and through a small opening obscured by an outcrop of rocks. Hidden by nature itself I entered the grotto, my sanctuary of solitude from many years ago.

I let myself collapse beneath the drooping branches of the large tree at the head of the quietly babbling spring. Wriggling my arms from my pack, I scooted to rest my head upon the bedroll; eyes heavy though the darkness had just set, I let sleep take me without worry of setting up camp. Rising to the gentle trills of the morning birds, glimmering atop the rocky surface of my escape. Rinsing away the dirt from my face and the sleep from eyes I grabbed my last bit of bread and dried meat from my pack. Stepping across the stream I nibbled on the now crusty bread as I wandered along the waterside following the stream toward the distant cavern wall. Nothing but the gentle babbles and the occasional song bird broke the silence of the late morning, not even the ocean breeze or crashing waves could penetrate my sanctuary. 

There were few trees here, the largest who’s roots the spring called home, a small grove of twisted and gnarled trees at the end of the stream, and lastly a small grove of much younger trees rose straight and stark along the furthest edge of the grotto. The gnarled trees beckoned to me as I hastened my step, the twitter of song birds faded away as I stepped under the cover of the ancient trees. In the center stood a stone basin upon a rocky pillar. I hesitated, fingers nearly grasping the basin rim, ‘had I been holding my breath?’. Taking in a large, shaky breathe I grabbed the rim with both hands and looked within the basin. The water there was still, dark - I looked into the shallow waters, deeper and deeper went my gaze.

The smell of vanilla and spice overtook me...  
_The dripping of rain on the eaves, the crackle of fire, and the murmuring of Bodan in the foyer. Marian lay upon the bed her breathing ragged and shoulders shaking; reaching my hand to her shoulder she turned - I wished her bangs would again fall over her eyes, to hide the pain I saw there..._  
  
Flames grew and filled my vision...  
_Every roof aglow, embers wafting in the air and underfoot. Bodies strewn on the roads, cries of children from darkened allies. Vinek kathas. Ebasit kata itwa-ost..._  
  
Pain shot through my arm… _  
I slumped against the wall, blood dripping from my fingertips. Stumbling forward Hawke catches me before I fall, binding my wound she jabbed at my ribs with some funny joke as she insisted on helping me home. With my free hand I brushed her bangs from her face, noticing the angle of her jaw and the softness of her lips..._

Swallowing the bitter, frothy beer…  
_Bethany and Hawke stood by the roaring fire, her back was turned. “There she is the Champion of Kirkwall!” Varric roared from the bar, a raised stein in each hand. Cheers sounded from every corner as she turned with a wave, her eyes found mine and she beckoned me forward with a smile...  
_

Thunder bellowed in my ears...  
_No rain fell from the sky, puddles scattered across the ground glimmering gold and green, reflections of nothing in their surface. Large legs looming above the scurrying figures, Hawke stood strong knives in hand and a bow upon her back. Dressed for battle, a smear across her face, and an unspoken dare upon her lips - then darkness..._


End file.
